Back In The Day Show

This is where we will honor a G. I. Joe on the podcast. Who are your favorite Joes and Cobras and why? Feel free to leave some comments.

Zartan - episode #7
We recently covered Zartan for our Halloween Edition of the show. After all, who better to talk about on Halloween than the master of disguise himself? As his file card points out, Zartan is an expert in make-up, ventriloquism, acrobatics, and martial arts. He’s even a proficient hypnotist and speaks over 20 languages fluently. So basically, you’ll never know you’re talking to Zartan unless he wants to reveal himself to you. That old lady on the bus with a cane (dart-gun) nursing a limp? That was Zartan. The clean-cut dude at the bank in the flashy business suit with the cell phone (detonator)? Zartan. That fat, bald guy in the trench coat with the pizza? Well, that was just Leonardo enjoying lunch, but hiding in the pizza box? Yep, that was Zartan. A mercenary at heart, Zartan spies on the Joes for Cobra as long as the Commander keeps him paid. He’s also the leader of the Dreadnoks, Cobra’s biker gang / agents of destruction. The only problem with Zartan is that he’s a paranoid schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder. This sometimes causes him to be too immersed in the personality he’s imitating while degrading his original personality. So who is Zartan? No one really knows.

Barbecue - episode #6
If you have no idea how awesome Barbecue is, that’s okay. He’s not exactly the first Joe you think of when it comes to the G. I. Joe Hall of Fame. Not to worry, though. We’ll fill you in. Originally from Boston, Massachusetts, Barbecue comes from a long line of firefighters. But his joining G. I. Joe as a fireman has nothing to do with family loyalty or even a sense of duty; he just wants to break down doors and smash in windows. We can infer that Barbecue probably starts as many fires as he puts out and uses that awesome axe equally as a weapon and a tool. This kind of versatility makes Barbecue just as competent on an assault team as he is at dowsing flames, but it also makes him just as effective at being a party animal as he is at doing his job. Who knew opening a bottle with your teeth could be such a useful skill? Regarding Barbecue’s gear, though, we recently speculated on what kind of extinguishing agent he carried around in his pack. Water? Foam? Potassium bicarbonate? We like to think that given his paradoxical nature, he uses at least one tank to store silly string, which he uses to humiliate downed foes. Ridiculous? Absolutely, but that’s Barbecue.

Storm Shadow - episode #5
Thomas S. Arashikage, a.k.a Storm Shadow, trained with his sword-brother, Snake Eyes, in the Arashikage Clan to be come one of the most formidable ninja’s in the world. There’s way too much background information on ol’ Stormy to get into here, but due to a rift in his relationship with Snake Eyes, Storm Shadow joined Cobra as Cobra Commander’s personal bodyguard. He later joined G. I. Joe and patched things up with Snake Eyes, but would continue to go back and forth between the two forces in one of the more complex naratives in the entire G. I. Joe story. He’s always been one of the coolest action figures as well, being one of the few Joes to come with only ninja weapons and (mostly) no guns.

Falcon - episode #3
Yeah, so Falcon may not be the first Joe that comes to mind to be a G. I. Joe Hall of Famer, but the complexity of his character impressed us so much that he had to be in. You see, Falcon had problems. We’re guessing the only reason he made it into the Green Berets was his half brother, Duke. In the movie, he’s a rather sloppy Joe (mmm… sloppy joes), who can’t pull it together for guard duty. One night when he’s supposed to be guarding a high-profile Cobra prisoner, he’s out flirting with Jinx. To make a long story short, Cobra attacks, the prisoner escapes, a valuable piece of equipment is stolen, and several Joes are injured. Following this screw up, Falcon is sent to Sgt. Slaughter’s Muraders, which is where all misfit Joes go to be whipped into shape. After shedding a lot of sweat and blood, Falcon graduates from the Muraders and redeems himself. Later in the cartoon series, Falcon becomes addicted to “drugs” and risks giving up Joe information for just one more hit. But of course by the end of the show, Falcon checks into rehab and overcomes his addiction, because how else would a kids show end? Sure, Falcon had flaws, but that’s what makes him interesting–that and the fact that the 2003 version of the action figure has some awesome guns.

B.A.T. - episode #2
B.A.T.s, Cobra’s Battle Android Troopers, were usually found on the front lines of any major battle. They were feared by both the Joes and Cobra for one main reason: they were pretty much walking machine guns without any distinction between friend or foe. It seems Cobra put more money into developing the B.A.T.’s weaponry and targeting systems than its intelligence. The funny thing about the B.A.T.s was that they were the only casualties in the cartoon. The Joes’ marksmanship against the B.A.T.s was always dead on, but watching them lose all sense of accuracy against human Cobras was a little peculiar. Even so, the B.A.T. was pretty awesome. Cheap, expendable, and fully armed, they were one of Cobra’s favorite means of mayhem. COBRA!

Destro - episode #1
Destro was the primary weapons manufacturer for Cobra, but his only allegiance was to his wallet. As such, he was known for double-crossing Cobra from time to time if it was better for his bank account. A shrewd business man, it was his practice to instigate conflict in unstable regions, thereby creating a market for his weapons. In fact, it was common for him to sell weapons to both sides of warring armies. To Destro, peace was a nuisance that only stood in the way of making money. He wore a steel mask, a symbol of pride handed down from 20 generations. He also lived in luxury and carried on a romantic relationship for the Baroness, Cobra’s second-in-command.

Snake Eyes - episode #0
Snake Eyes was the baddest, most awesome Joe on the force, in our opinion. And the fact that he was a ninja just made him even more awesome. He normally packed a katana and an Uzi, but of course he was also proficient with all NATO and Warsaw Pact small arms. He had a pet wolf, Timber–not a dog, a wolf. That’s how bad Snake Eyes was. He never spoke, due to an accident that left him hideously scarred and mute, but he didn’t have to. He let his actions do his talking. And although he was scarred, he still went out with Scarlett, the hottest girl Joe on the force. Now that’s pimp. Yo Joe!